here's how to tell if that "anti-virus 2008 pro" is TOTALLY LYING to you, despite its classy design and professional lingo:
- it uses an excessive amount of exclamation marks to convince you that your computer is in EXTREME DANGER!!!!!!!!!!!
- it can't spell "scanning" or "immediately"
- it utilizies wholly unnecessary commas, semicolons, and apostrophes ("please, click yes to kill the 3441002 bug's; found in your system!!!!!)
these are the signs, my friends, these are the signs. take note.
oy, hackers! good grammar pays.
i spent the majority of my week attempting to rid my computer of this little blessing, and i have some advice to share!
here are some stamina-boosting things you'll need if you're going to fight it out:
- a knitting project
- tea (recommended: "constant comment")
- joanna newsom
- a blank sheet of paper and a pencil (for doodling and making lists of things you'll accomplish once you return to normal life)
- spybot search & destroy (a free virus-kickin' program that's most helpful and is awkwardly yet sweetly dedicated to the Most Wonderful Girl On Earth)
now the computer's fresh 'n clean, and i've come away from this experience with a very, very long plum-colored scarf and a fascination at the malicious intent freely exhibited by hackers. what compels a human being to wreak havoc on the innocent hard drives of undeserving people around the globe? i think sufjan should write a song about them, à la "john wayne gacy, jr." there is a significant point to be brought up concerning serial killers and hackers, though: even though in my best behavior i'm just as much a sinner as john wayne gacy, i'll never be quite nerdy enough to write computer-killing codes.
3 comments:
i gave brae a joanna newsom cd (ys) last christmas and we found it.....unlistenable. but i bought it because it was getting so much indie buzz i figured it just had to be great. and i was prepared to give it 3 or 4 listens before i decided if i liked it. but i did not get even remotely close to liking it. and so, the only conclusion i can reach is "it's me." i'm too narrow, too old, too stuck in the proverbial rut.
but brae didn't like it either. and she's a virtual avant garde bohemian. so now i need to know if you really like joanna's stuff
annie. or are you still working your way along the track of trying to like her music because you like her for other reasons. hmmn?
i think she sounds like a 20-something year old shirly temple with strep and no sanity.
(meaning i don't like her music at all either. hahaha)
no! i really, really do like her. i didn't at first-- i first heard her a while ago and also was immediately turned off by her voice. "oh geez!" i said. but then--but then! not too long ago i gave her another chance, and suddenly it was magic. there's something very special about her songwriting. the melody and words weed their way into your heart and just twist it about a bit and then grow out your ears and then you've got pretty little flowers all over your head. (uh, that was weird.) and then her voice becomes endearing.
definitely not everybody's cup of tea, but i sure do think she's great. (it must be said that i do have a thing for finding anybody's voice endearing though. chali and i were talking about this the other day...i think every single person on my ipod would get laughed out on american idol. but i love them all the more for it. i love the way sufjan's voice cracks and karen peris is so quiet and matt berninger is so deep and slurred and colin meloy is so earnest.)
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