i quit.

dear world:

i am dropping out of high school.

actually, i'm not really. but i have decided to ditch the everyday depression (grief, actually, heart-wrenching grief that makes my head and heart feel like they're drowning) that results from monotonous curriculum, no music, no art, homework, high expectations, and tucking in my shirt.

i'm stayin' home this year. i'm schooling myself.

i thought about it a lot, and these are the top three things i'd miss most about open bible:

1) mrs. billie jo. i really am going to miss her so much. she's the best teacher/friend anyone could ever ask for. which is maybe why i've decided i might go and steal her during lunch sometimes. by force, if necessary.

2) regionals. enough said; that one week is the best week of school, period. dangitall. also, i'd include in this central christian school, which is OBA's kind of buddy-school, if you will. i love those central people! i have seriously considered declaring such via homemade t-shirt. i would go to that school, except it's two hours away. d'you think it's a bit odd that one of the things i'll miss most about my school is... another school?

3) volleyball/basketball. i love volleyball a whole heck of a lot. i really do. after thinking about it, the only thing i'm really going to miss about basketball is riding home from away games on the van. i'd press the side of my forehead against the cool glass of the window, watching the headlights pass in the dark, and listen to my most beloved music on my ipod, which the people surrounding me couldn't even begin to tolerate. "listen to this song!" i'd say. "it's so beautiful, it makes my heart break in half." i'd slap my headphones onto the ears of whoever was sitting next to me, and (s)he would promptly groan, "what is this mess?" i'd take back my headphones and return my head to the window. i felt so alone in times like that, but i suppose those slivers of solitary quietness are what kept me sane during the school year.

those things i'll miss, but i decided they just weren't enough to keep me there. i just couldn't handle it anymore. (note: nothing against OBA. it's a good little school. it's just not the place for me, i s'pose.) now that i'll be free from that dreaded confinement that is school, i have a great vast wave of things to look forward to:

i'm going to take art classes in easton. did you catch that?
i'm going to take art classes.
i'm going to listen to music while i do my chemistry, et cetera.
i'm going to spend more time with my dear salisbury friends.
i'm going to wear real clothes.
i'm going to help ann hynes with her jewelry.
i'm going to read deliciously fat books.
--whichever deliciously fat books i so choose.
i'm going to learn all i can about photography.
i'm going to be in sarah meadows's small group!
i'm going to spontaneously, perhaps daily, swim laps at the Y.
i'm going to maybe meet some new people.
maybe some kindred spirits.

and many other things besides.

to quote that genius man, dwight k. schrute:

"there is nothing on my horizon except everything.
everything is on my horizon."